Author: Andrew

Fitter, Happier

Fitter happier
More productive
Comfortable
Not drinking too much
Regular exercise at the gym (3 days a week)
Getting on better with your associate employee contemporaries
At ease
Eating well (no more microwave dinners and saturated fats)
A patient, better driver
A safer car (baby smiling in back seat)
Sleeping well (no bad dreams)
No paranoia
Careful to all animals (never washing spiders down the plughole)
Keep in contact with old friends (enjoy a drink now and then)
Will frequently check credit at (moral) bank (hole in the wall)
Favours for favours
Fond but not in love
Charity standing orders
On Sundays ring road supermarket
(No killing moths or putting boiling water on the ants)
Car wash (also on Sundays)
No longer afraid of the dark or midday shadows
Nothing so ridiculously teenage and desperate
Nothing so childish
At a better pace
Slower and more calculated
No chance of escape
Now self-employed
Concerned (but powerless)
An empowered and informed member of society (pragmatism not idealism)
Will not cry in public
Less chance of illness
Tyres that grip in the wet (shot of baby strapped in back seat)
A good memory
Still cries at a good film
Still kisses with saliva
No longer empty and frantic
Like a cat
Tied to a stick
That’s driven into
Frozen winter shit (the ability to laugh at weakness)
Calm
Fitter, healthier and more productive
A pig
In a cage
On antibiotics

Today’s movie quotation


“If you have no talent then you have no limits, it’s all an act of will. Your heart can probably pump more blood than anyone else’s on earth, and that takes talent. The bones in your feet are so strong, it’d take a sledgehammer to break ’em. Be thankful for your limits, they’re about as limitless as they get in this life.” – Bill Bowerman Without Limits. 

Five great opening song lyrics:

“I saw a werewolf with a Chinese menu in his hand.“ Warren Zevon, Werewolves of London

“You can’t get romantic on a subway line.”  Van Halen, Everybody Wants Some

“F—k I’m drunk, but I’m off my knees.” Deftones, Feiticeira

“Drop out of life with bong in hand.” Sleep, Dopesmoker

“YOOOOOO, I’ll tell you what I want, what I really really want!” The Spice Girls, Wanna Be. 

“Idealistic nature and unrealistic expectations.”

In 1998, Brian Helgeland won an Academy Award for Best Adapted Screenplay for L.A. Confidential, which was based on the 1990 novel of the same name by James Ellroy. That year Helgeland also won a Razzie for The Postman. Helgeland accepted the Razzie, the fourth person to receive the statuette in person, which was delivered to him in his office at Warner Bros. He keeps the statues of both the Oscar and the Razzie on his mantle as “a reminder of Hollywood’s idealistic nature and unrealistic expectations.”[

Amazon reviews of my short story collection: William Faulkner’s Cannibal Holocaust and Other Stories.

5 out of 5 stars

 Balloon fetishes and cannibals? I’m in.

This book is creative and unlike anything I’ve read before. One of the best stories is about a carnival worker who runs a balloon-popping game and secretly has a balloon fetish. It sounds wild, but it’s actually funny and kind of deep. Every story mixes weird humor, smart ideas, and cool pop culture stuff in a way that really works. If you like books that feel like a mix of movies, dreams, and late night thoughts, this is for you. It’s not for people who want simple stories or need everything to make perfect sense. But if you enjoy strange characters, dark jokes, and thinking about big ideas in unexpected ways, you’ll have a lot of fun with it.

3 out of 5 stars

 Not for me.

I am sorry to say most of these stories just weren’t for me. I appreciate what the author attempted but the stories, by in large, just didn’t make sense.