The opening paragraph for a short story originally published in the online journal Pidgeonholes

“Boredom rests between apathy and relaxation on Csikszentmihalyi’s flow model. I imagine it to be one proton away like lead and gold. Whereas alchemy is the study of turning lead into gold, I haven’t quite figured out the process of turning boredom into relaxation. I could attempt to force relaxation as one would break a horse or train a bird of prey. However, in certain instances, hawks will starve themselves to death rather than succumb to the commands of a master. Drastic training methods have included: tethering the hawk to one’s gloved forearm and only eating when the bird does; water consumption is OK since birds of prey don’t need water. In Black Snake Moan, Christina Ricci was tethered to Samuel L. Jackson with a thirty-foot chain to break her of nymphomania. It was the follow-up film to Hustle and Flow, by Craig Brewer, in which 3-6-Mafia won an academy award for best song. Peter O’Toole was nominated eight times for an academy award without winning. His roles consisted of two kings, a teacher, a paranoid schizophrenic who becomes nobility, two actors (one suffering from prostate cancer, another based on Errol Flynn), a sadistic film director, and T.E. Lawrence. 3-6-Mafia won their award for “It’s Hard Out There for a Pimp.” Though O’Toole was recognized by the academy, I don’t count the Honorary Oscar; the Eastman Kodak company has one of those. It’s incredible to think, in this analogy, Peter O’Toole represents the failed attempts to attain relaxation.”